ARE YOU TRYING TO TEACH A FISH TO CLIMB A TREE? – WHEN KINDNESS BECOMES AN INVISIBLE CHAIN.
I once witnessed a friend so good that the whole
world… shunned him. He always said the right thing, always gave
"reasonable" advice, always wanted to help others "live
better." And then? People avoided him. Someone called him "an
arrogant man wearing a moral mask." I asked him: "Why do you always
try to fix others?" He replied, very sincerely: "Because I want them
to be better." I fell silent. Because that sentence – though sincere – was
full of a lack of understanding of human nature.
If you've ever thought you were
"helping" someone by teaching them how to live, this article is for
you to stop – before you accidentally turn yourself into someone who
manipulates others' emotions in the name of kindness.
1. Why does the fish get angry when taught to
climb a tree? – When advice becomes an indirect insult
Advice given at the wrong time is no different from
a mental slap. It says:
"I see you have a problem. And I'm good enough,
smart enough to fix you."
Behavioral psychology points out that: a person's
ego is extremely sensitive to the feeling of being judged. When you offer
unsolicited advice, the other person's subconscious immediately activates a
defense mechanism. They feel small, scrutinized, pushed into the role of
"the wrong one."
You didn't say "you're bad." But their
brain heard it that way. And they react like a fish being forced to climb a
rough tree trunk: flailing, helpless, hurt – and of course, angry.
2.
Teaching others how to live – is a manipulative
act disguised as morality
We easily confuse "helping" with
"controlling." When you tell someone they should be this way, should
be that way – hidden deep inside is a desire: for that person to be like you,
think like you, choose like you.
This isn't love, but manipulation wrapped in sweet
language.
True kindness doesn't force. It allows others to be
themselves, even when they're wrong, when they're hurting, when they're lost.
Because growth doesn't come from commands, but from personal awareness.
You can't make an apple ripen faster by yelling at
it. You can't teach a bird to swim. And you can't help someone change if you
don't accept them at their starting point.
3.
Don't teach a fish to climb a tree. Clean
the river it's swimming in.
Instead of giving advice, ask questions. Instead of
sharing personal experiences, listen to their story. Instead of wanting them to
change, give them a safe environment to change themselves.
"How are you feeling?" "What do you
need right now?" "I don't know what to do, but I'm here with
you."
Those simple sentences – seemingly light – open the
door to healing. No one needs someone to try to "fix" them. But
everyone needs someone who understands that: they have the right to be hurt, to
be wrong, to be themselves – before becoming a "better" version.
4.
When to speak, when to be silent? – The
fine line between understanding and offending
Check 3 things before you offer advice:
Does that person really want to hear it?
Do you understand enough to say it?
Are you speaking for them – or for your own ego?
If any of these are missing, choose silence – but be
present. Silence doesn't mean abandonment. It's space for the other person to
breathe, think, and recover.
Conclusion – Being kind isn't about lecturing.
It's about not hurting someone when they're vulnerable.
This world doesn't lack people who "know
better." But it lacks people gentle enough not to turn their understanding
into a hammer blow to others' hearts.
If you truly want to help someone:
👉 Be the riverbank for
the fish to swim.
👉 Be the tree for the
bird to perch.
👉 Be the calm amidst the
storm – where people can breathe and understand themselves.
You don't need to teach a fish to climb a tree. You
just need to know that every creature has its own path to become itself – in
the most miraculous way.
Pause for a moment, and ask yourself: Am I helping
others live right – or am I trying to make them live like me? That answer might
change the entire way you love.
If you found this article worth reading to the
very end, perhaps you've also been a "fish-climbing teacher" – or
been the fish forced to climb. Whoever you are, start with empathy – and let go
of the need to "fix" others.
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